TO MY DEAR
WIFE:
During the past year
I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is
an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of
why I did not succeed more often:
54 times
the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you
pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were
afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times
it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9
times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times
you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new
hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said
your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did
succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me
there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it
over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was
afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
KEEP
READING.......
====================================================
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a
little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you
did:
5 times
you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did
not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to
play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your
nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you
lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your
pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV
Of the times we did get
together:
The
reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the
crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or
kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying
to breathe.
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