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Recent Popular Funniest Jokes |
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Two Sanitary Pads And Two Tampons |
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Two sanitary pads were floating down a sewer drain, and were
approaching two tampons.
Before the pads and tampons reached each
other, one pad said to the other, "Should we say hi to those two tampons?"
The other pad responded, "Err... nah... they're stuck up cunts." |
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Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke,
when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off
the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces
to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she
is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of
condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted. |
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Steve Irwin and the Crocodile |
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A crocodile was walking along the high street one day looking for some
shoes.
"Ah" he said spotting a nice pair "there's my nephew - and what a fine pair
of shoes he made."
So anyhow this crocodile goes into the shop and takes out his credit card
and pays for these shoes.
"Er excuse me" says the crocodile. "I have four feet and you have only sold
me two shoes."
"Well you will have to buy two pairs" the shopowner said.
"Well find me a pair just like these" said the crocodile.
So the shopowner went to the back of the shop and bought out another pair.
"WOW!" said the crocodile "my DAUGHTER - and what a lovely pair of shoes she
made. Yes I'll take them."
So the crocodile walked out of the shop dressed in a brand new set of shoes.
"I always knew my daughter would make something of herself" said the
crocodile.
"And CRICKEY your nephew too" said Steve Irwin. |
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A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...
+ Broiled Missionary: $10.00
+ Fried Explorer: $15.00
+ Grilled Republican: $100.00
+ Baked Democrat: $100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked,
'Why such a price difference for the Politicians?'
The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?
They're so full of shit, it takes all morning."
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