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Recent Popular Funniest Jokes |
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Welcome To The World's Funniest Jokes |
The World's Funniest Jokes
At Funniest Jokes, we've worked pretty hard trying to collect the world's funniest jokes. Our funny jokes website, while not the largest, most colouful, or fanciest, contains within it, thousands of funny adult jokes, funny dirty jokes, and you get the picture.
All of our funny jokes are public domain, to our knowledge, or submitted by readers. If you happen to read a really funny joke that is copyrighted, let us know and we'll let it go. Thanks for visiting Funniest Jokes!
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Adult
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In a small town, an elderly couple had been dating each other for a long time. At the urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.
"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say... I would like it infrequently."
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye and casually asked .. "Is that one word or two words?
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Adult
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A Jewish woman says to her mother, 'I'm divorcing Sheldon!
All he wants is anal sex and my asshole is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be the size of a 5 cent piece.'
Mother says 'You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman, you live
in an 8 bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, you get $1000 a week allowance, you take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away for 45 cents
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Sick
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Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the
other and says, "You should have seen this woman they brought in last
week. They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three
weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her clit was just like a pickle."
"What," the other asks, "green?".
"No," says the first, " a bit sour." |
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An Elephant's Victim Never Forgets |
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Sick
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A man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass."
The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let's have a look".
"Fuck me!!" says the doctor. "What could have made a hole as big as that?"
Patient replies "I've been fucked by an elephant."
The doctor says "An elephant's penis is long and thin. This hole is enormous".
Patient replies "He fingered me first." |
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Michael Jackson's New Baby |
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Sick
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Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14." |
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Sick
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Three whores decide to see who has the biggest snatch. They get naked, and start fingering themselves and each other.
After a few minutes, the first one squats on a glass top table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves.
The second one then squats on the table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves, which is even bigger.
The third one squats on the table, but when she stands back up, the first whore says, "You didn't leave an outline."
She says, "Smell the rim." |
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Sick
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A cop stops his police car when he sees a couple sitting on the curb.
The chap is laying on his side with his trousers pulled down, the girl
has her finger in his asshole, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.
The cop says, "What the hell is going on here?"
The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the
night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk
to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."
The cop says, "That's not gonna make him puke."
She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth." |
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