The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.
Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.

“No way,” the blonde exclaimed. “I almost got caught yesterday.

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and
decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599,
no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her
sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office,
and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve
bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup
truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds,
“It’s just 99 cents a word.” Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette
only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister
one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, “I want you to
send her the word ‘comfortable’.” The operator shakes his head. “How
is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your
pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if
you send her just the word, ‘comfortable’?”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. The word’s big. She’ll
read it very slowly … com-for-da-bul.”

The new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, “The trucker out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is . . . an auto parts store?”

“No,” the cook said. “Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pai r of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.”

“Oh, OK!” said the blonde.

She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, “What are the beans for, Blondie?

She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, head lights and running boards,
you might as well gas up!”

FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. Then open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Johnson and related parts in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.”

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A Blonde woman timidly spoke up ………..

“I’ll try It! Just don’t hit me so hard with the beer bottle.”

“Now, now,” her mother comforted, “I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”

“No, mother,” the young woman laments. “I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the price.”

“Well, that is being miserly,” the mother agreed, “Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.”

“No, mother it wasn’t the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket.”

“Airplane ticket…. What did you need an airplane ticket for?”

“Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and it said, ‘PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,’ so I flew to Alaska.”

Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, “I can’t get out of the room!”

“You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked. “Why not?”

She replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

The dog has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this!”

She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, ‘The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?’

The blonde says, “I’ve put the dog in our backyard, let’s see how they like it.”

+ Broiled Missionary: $10.00
+ Fried Explorer: $15.00
+ Grilled Republican: $100.00
+ Baked Democrat: $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked,
‘Why such a price difference for the Politicians?’

The cook replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one?
They’re so full of shit, it takes all morning.”

“Ah” he said spotting a nice pair “there’s my nephew – and what a fine pair of shoes he made.”

So anyhow this crocodile goes into the shop and takes out his credit card and pays for these shoes.

“Er excuse me” says the crocodile. “I have four feet and you have only sold me two shoes.”

“Well you will have to buy two pairs” the shopowner said.

“Well find me a pair just like these” said the crocodile.

So the shopowner went to the back of the shop and bought out another pair.

“WOW!” said the crocodile “my DAUGHTER – and what a lovely pair of shoes she made. Yes I’ll take them.”

So the crocodile walked out of the shop dressed in a brand new set of shoes.

“I always knew my daughter would make something of herself” said the crocodile.

“And CRICKEY your nephew too” said Steve Irwin.