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Company
Policy:
Effective from JULY 2005
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work
dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and
carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well
financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes,
and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to
be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's
statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to
the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal
Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing
work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort
should be made to have non-employees attend to the
arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour
early.
Toilet
Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is
now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At
the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the
toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open,
and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the "Chronic
Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's
mental health policy.
Lunch
Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat
more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get
15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain
their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch,
because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our
company. We are here to provide a positive employment
experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed
elsewhere. | 
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