In
the beginning, God created heaven and earth.
Then
God said, "Let there be light."
Shortly
thereafter God was in receipt of a notice to show cause why he shouldn't be
cited for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a
temporary planning permit for the project, but was stymied by a Cease and Desist
Order for the earthly part.
At
the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place.
He replied that he just liked to be creative.
Officials
immediately demanded to know how the light would be made.
Would it require strip
mining? What about thermal pollution?
God
explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire, and provisional
approval was granted with the proviso that no smoke would result.
The
authorities demanded the issuance of a building permit, and (to conserve energy)
required that the light be left off half the time.
God agreed, saying he would
call the light "Day" and the darkness "Night."
Officials
replied that
they were only interested in protecting the environment, not in semantics.
God
said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed."
The
EPA agreed, so long as only native seed was used.
Then
God said, "Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the
fowl that may fly over the earth."
Officials
pointed out this would require approval from the Department of Game coordinated
with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audubongelic Society.
Everything
went along smoothly until God declared that he intended to complete the project
in six days.
Officials
informed God it would take at least 200 days to review his many waiver
applications and environmental impact statements. After that there would have to
be a public hearing, and then there would be a 10-12 month probationary period
before....
At
this point, God created Hell.
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